Franciscan at Home

We need to find the right language, arguments and forms of witness that can help us reach the hearts of young people,appealing to their capacity for generosity, commitment, love and even heroism, and in this way inviting them to take up the challenge of marriage with enthusiasm and courage. (Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, art. 40) God is present in the ordinary humanity of family life: in the crises and in the joys. As catechists, we have the privilege of helpingpeoplebecome more attuned and responsive to this God who is present through matrimonial grace.

Algunas consideraciones para los padres de familia

En el último número, Jim Beckman describió como los ministros juveniles puedan trabajar con una mentalidad que respeta y habilita a los padres a familia para ser los catequistas principales de sus hijos adolescentes. Jim concluye esta serie que consta de dos partes, dirigiéndose a los padres de familia en cuanto a los puntos fundamentales para encaminar sus propios hijos hacia una vida en Cristo.

El discipulado se escribe T-I-E-M-P-O

Si es nuestra intención conducir a nuestros hijos hacia una relación más cercana a Cristo, primero y ante todo debemos de pasar tiempo con ellos. Por supuesto, el apartar tiempo para algo es un reto singular en la cultura de hoy en día. Pero no es imposible. Con un poco de creatividad, a menudo encontramos el tiempo en nuestra agenda semanal para las cosas que son prioritarias para nosotros - aun cuando originalmente quizás no creíamos que encontrar un tiempo adicional fuera posible. Pasar tiempo con nuestros hijos tiene que ser una de esas prioridades.

The ordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops will meet October 4-25, 2015 on the timely topic of “the vocation and mission of the family in the Church and in the contemporary world.” This article provides an overview of the final report from the 2014 extraordinary synod, as a way to prepare our readers for this important upcoming event in the life of the Church.

The Catholic Church is now entering the final phase of the official work of the synod on Pastoral Challenges to the Family in the Context of Evangelization, and the synod fathers have committed themselves to continuing down “the path of renewal” outlined in their reflections[i] published in the Relatio Synodi at the conclusion of their meetings in October, 2014.[ii] As we anticipate the various practical programs and initiatives that will be explored as the synod continues, it is worth recalling the Relatio of the synod in order to get a better sense of what all authentic pastoral programs must strive for and how their success must be measured.

While many in the media sought to portray the meetings among the synod fathers as a clash between divergent approaches to so-called “hot-button issues” like contraception, divorce, and homosexual unions, the official document from the synod fathers offers a much different view. The Relatio of the synod reads like a spiritual call-to-arms, urging all those engaged in pastoral care and evangelization to confront the many threats to marriage and family life and to gaze upon Christ in order to bring his grace and mercy to all those endangered by the current crisis.

Some Considerations for Parents

In the last issue, Jim Beckman described how youth ministers can operate with a mindset which respects and empowers parents to be the primary catechists of their teenagers. Jim concludes this two-part series by writing to parents concerning the fundamentals for leading one’s own children to a life in Christ.

Discipleship is spelled T-I-M-E

If we intend to lead our own children closer to Christ, first and foremost we must spend time with them. Of course, setting aside time is uniquely challenging in today’s culture. But it is not impossible. With a little creativity, and some sacrifice, time is frequently found in our weekly schedules for things we prioritize—even if originally we might not have believed finding additional time was possible. Spending time with our children needs to be one of those priorities.

And please don’t buy into the farce that it’s all about “quality” time, not quantity. I have found it to be just the opposite, both in my work over the years with teenagers, and now with my own kids. Young people don’t really trust someone who won’t “waste time” with them. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true. When we are willing to spend time with another person, with no real agenda, no task to accomplish, nothing productive to get done, it shows that the person is important to us. In my experience, when I have invested myself in this way, it has earned me the right to be heard. Not only as a youth minister but also as a parent, I don’t assume that they will want to listen to what I share with them. I know I have to earn that.

The focus of this article is a practical consideration: how to help parents in the task of “discipling” their own children. The topic is a rather vast one, so I’m going to break it down into two parts. The first part, the mindset catechists should have toward parents, is the focus of this article. Part 2, practical tools to empower parents for discipleship, will follow in the April issue. We all have heard the Church’s teaching on this: parents are the “primary educators” of their children.[i] But do we really believe this to be true, and indeed act as if we believe it? I have talked with many Church employees and volunteers who treat this statement like some empty platitude saying, “It’s a nice theory, but in reality WE are better at teaching young people the faith. We have degrees in Theology after all!” In the paragraphs that follow, I hope to shed some light in this area, and offer some practical ways we can empower parents to take up their call to educate, even “disciple” their own children. But fair warning: I may strike some deep-rooted cords and maybe even unnerve you a bit. This is an area that desperately needs attention in the Church today and needs serious renewal if we hope to be effective in the years ahead.

In this article, Lisa Marino highlights the centrality of the “gift of self,” not only in God’s divine initiatives throughout salvation history but also within the love between husband and wife. The self-emptying of spouses, in fact, finds its source in God and is a luminous sign for the world of how God gives himself to us in how he loves.

God is the Ultimate Gift-Giver. He is at once both Gift and Giver, in the beginning creating us through a gift of his own life: "...the LORD God formed man out of the clay of the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and so man became a living being" (Gn. 2:7). God doesn't merely give us a thing—He gives us a Person, himself, and so this Gift has his qualities: it is enduring, active, alive.

A gift needs a receiver, and God himself prepares us to receive his gift. We were made explicitly for this. We were created by receiving this gift. We are most fully human when we continue to receive God's gift and, being made "in the divine image" (Gn. 1:27), in turn make a gift of ourselves. By recapitulating this gift of self, we live fully as an image of God, giving ourselves just as God gives himself. Indeed, "Man cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself" (Gaudium et Spes, no. 24).

In the Garden of Eden the serpent lies to Eve, telling her that God made the rule against eating the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in order to keep her from becoming "like gods." Eve understands from this that to be like God she would have to grasp the fruit for herself. Denying that God already made her "in his image" and that he was already making a gift of himself to her, Eve considers the fruit and then grasps at God instead of receiving him, losing exactly him whom she is seeking. In the process she also loses herself, ending up less like God than before. She denies herself the quality of "receptivity," believing that if God is not the kind of God to give himself freely to her, then she could not possibly be the kind of person made expressly to receive his love. This is, of course, all a lie, perpetrated by the "father of lies"(Jn. 8:44).

God does not abandon us in this lie, and immediately promises a Savior. As a living down payment on this promise, God contradicts the serpent's lie by continuing to make a gift of himself throughout salvation history. He gives himself in the Law, in the Prophets, and in many ways great and small until He gives himself in the manger and on the cross.

The fullness of God's promise is realized through Jesus in the Paschal Mystery. We receive forgiveness from original sin, poured forth from the side of Christ and into us in Baptism, but still the “temporal consequences of sin remain..." (CCC 1264). Some of the hurt that remains is the difficulty of believing that God is making a gift of himself to us, and that we are actually made from the beginning to receive him. We question whether he listens to our prayers, we look for a thousand comforts to fill our loneliness, still forgetting that "our hearts are restless until they find rest in you, O Lord" (St. Augustine).

Practically speaking, within Canon Law, the many canons that deal with the Sacrament of Matrimony are more numerous than any other sacrament, including Holy Orders and the Eucharist. That is a staggering and sobering fact. The Church highly regulates the Sacrament of Matrimony because she knows that marriage and family life are the building blocks of the human family as well as the Church. The rights and responsibilities that are codified in the canons reflect the revealed truth and dignity of this sacrament.

I would like to address one ministry within the parish that frequently runs head on into these requirements. This ministry is charged with passing on the truth about the dignity of the sacrament, while pastorally supporting individuals, couples and families as they come to know the Bridegroom and his love for his Church. That ministry is the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults.

RCIA team members, leaders or catechists do not need degrees in Canon Law; but every member of the team needs to understand the pastoral vision and plan for serving individuals whose current marriage or previous marriage does not conform to the requirements of Canon Law. These marriages are not rare. Although every marriage and its circumstances are unique, discussion and planning by the RCIA team and good pastoral leadership will help everyone involved. I am going to offer a few simple but practical suggestions that may serve as a review and reminder for some and may help others who are struggling with how these situations can be best approached. Once a set of procedures is agreed on, all RCIA team members must be on board.

The imagery involving sons and fathers in Sacred Scripture can prompt unexpected responses:
• “Some of the language is not inclusive,” comments one person reviewing a new catechetical resource. “Speaking of us as 'adopted sons' excludes those who aren't male!”
• “I really couldn’t stomach the first reading of our service today,” a non-Catholic friend confides over Sunday lunch. “It was such an unpleasant story, about Abraham being prepared to sacrifice his son when asked to by God. How could any father do that?”
• “I’m worried I just can’t grasp this idea of God as like the father who routinely walks out to see if his son is going to come home,” says an RCIA candidate. “That wasn’t what family life was like for me, growing up, so how can I ever understand what God is like?”

The relationship between the Father and his Son is essential to Christian Revelation through which “God speaks to man in a human way.” However, for some adults, scriptural accounts involving family imagery can seem like an obstacle. Obviously, the facts of an individual’s past are what they are, and a catechist is no psychotherapist. However, the catechist is in a position to help by highlighting helpful interpretive principles and imparting a deeper understanding of Christian truths.

Marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one’s own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving. (CCC 1609)
In the late 1990’s, by some providential stroke of good fortune, I took a class taught by an elderly and brilliant Thomistic philosopher named Fr. Norris Clarke, S.J. He graded our graduate level philosophy papers so fast and with such detailed comments that to this day I am still in awe of his intellectual abilities. The man was amazing! The main topic of this class was Clarke’s own brand of metaphysics, the branch of philosophy that examines the basic nature and causes of all things. Clarke was known for his “creative completion” of St. Thomas’ thought. It was Clarke who introduced me to ideas such as “the relationality of being.” Taking his inspiration from the nature of the Holy Trinity, Clarke taught that love does not merely go in an outward direction from a person, but it also simultaneously involves receptivity. Love itself requires a relationship, which means acting upon and being acted upon simultaneously. In an act of love, you reach out to another and come back to yourself a little different. Even when your love is not reciprocated by the object of your love, your love itself is still intrinsically dynamic. It always changes you. Fr. Clarke led his students to see that in the image of the Holy Trinity we find the perfect example of love going forth and coming back at the same time. Each person—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—both give and receive love in a perfect way.

Human beings mimic the Holy Trinity because we, like the Holy Trinity, are persons. We are “self-possessed,” we belong to ourselves. We are able intentionally to direct ourselves, which gives us the ability to cultivate virtues that assist us in achieving this ideal of love.

What does this have to do with marriage and family? Well, unlike the Holy Trinity, human persons are not perfect in their relationality. We must continually cultivate virtue, good moral habits, to fully realize this ideal of love.

When I was in my early 20s and had begun to attend daily Mass, I recall the excitement that the presence of a young person caused the other parishioners. I would often have elderly ladies approach me and say, “You are so holy! You are going to be a priest.” They were well-intentioned and very supportive of me; however, underlying these sentiments was a notion that holy people become priests and religious whereas the “not-holy” get married. This idea is similarly expressed in the statements such as so-and-so has a “vocation” or when we pray for vocations to the priesthood and religious life and omit the mention of marriage as vocation.

Yet, the Second Vatican Council had reaffirmed the universal vocation to holiness.[i] All Christians, regardless of their state of life, are called to a life of sanctity. If we are honest, I think it would be fair to say that few married Christians know this. Moreover, how many married Christians know how to live holiness as married persons? It is this problem that repeatedly presented itself when I was involved in the pastoral care of marriage. Many couples desired to grow in holiness as married persons but were unsure as to the means of doing this.

In the first place, many people understood baptism as the primary source of holiness whereas marriage was merely the environment in which this holiness is lived. From this perspective marriage does not contribute anything specifically to sanctity. However, the Church has clearly articulated in the last hundred years that the Sacrament of Marriage itself is a source of holiness.